|
whoa girl this is amazing. Im actually, believe it or not, glad to see someone posess the courage to write on a subject such as this. I dont know if this is something you went/are going through or are just writing this, I know I cant bring myself to express my battles of attempts through writing. buzzed.
|
|
I have went and now still going though it. My battles are the only things I find myself writing when I have a laptop or pen in my hand, I'm getting pretty tired of it.
|
|
|
I know what you mean in my way, and it is unfortunately an ugly feeling. I would be a liar if I made the statement I had cut myself, the most I've done is carved hearts on my wrists and ankles(yes i know, I'm lame :), but my battle of my several and nausea inducing "flirting with suicide" if you will, is something I write about, but I don't share for the anxious fear of judgement.
|
|
|
I am judged by everyone it seriously surprises me how I still continue to take all of the horrible things said to me by people who I haven't harmed in anyway possible, it surprises me that I haven't said anything...one day I might just...do something horrible....it's weird...I just need a change or something or need to be able to control something. Anxious fear of judgement is all you go though at my house and in my school, I don't have anything "happy" to write about at this moment in my life.
|
|
|
I'm so sorry! I'm dealing with the same bullshit right now, and my rents put me on antidepressants, are sending me to counseling, and I've been missing school because of the crap I've been getting from people there. And I am so so sorry that you feel that way about your house, when you can't say your house is a "home", it sucks.I know. I just hope you dont reach the edge where you feel like your only escape is leaving this bullshit world. I lost trak have many times I attempted two years ago, and I finally went to the hospital for o.ding, and I never wish that experience on anyone. If you ever need anyone to talk to, I am always willing to listen, even if I hate you for a Pete pic arguement lol, but know I will listen to any bullshit you have going on.
|
|
|
that means a great deal to me, because I seem to vent on paper very well but it still feels bottled up when I haven't really talked to anyone(not a single soul) how I've been feeling because I start to get all dramatic and cry then hide my tears and urge them all to leave me alone because they don't understand, again it's painful and when you deal with the same horrible day all your life....(the nightmare) it pretty much sucks, hurts, does so much. I've also been hiding all these things because I've been trying so hard to tell people I'm ok when people ask me and assume I'm a hopeless case and am all "emo" and say the word in disgust....which gets me angry. They don't understand...it makes me mad and makes me realize how ignorant people could be...people never try to listen...but thanks cause your different =)
|
|
|
your welcome :). yeah i know quite about about just saying im ok to everyone. Then after you say it, you find yourself once again wrapped up in tears or harming yourself. So you think about doing what "professionals(what do they know)" say and tell someone, then it hits you. If you tell, you'll be labeled a suicidal freak screaming for attention. no thank you. I'd take the tears and blood over that crap any day. Screaming for attention, no thanks. As I've said before, the power of being invisible is a desire of my heart.
|
|
|
exactly, and I don't know but I could always find a few people on here who are going though the same thing or feeling but all the people around me are all "perfect" and haven't gone though shit....I feel even worse when everyone around me seems perfect and I'm the one imperfection in a million...I'm abnormal and I'm the one...thats crazy and a horrible person...my parents and everyone as a great way of making me feel that way...
|
|
|
Its just wonderful isn't it? i know my mom tried blaming my depression on buzznet, when this is probably one of the few releases I have because I actually find myself relating to people on here. The whole imperfection thing is just the icing on the cake of bullshit. I swear I will shoot myself the next time I hear a "friend" or "family member" tell me "Ohhhh, why aren't you more like us? Why do dress like that? Bla bla bla bla". I'm sick of their ridiculous stereotyping.Emo,goth,suidical,freak. I've heard it all. They think it will make me change so it will stop. In the end it hardens me and strengthens my depressed ways.
|
|
|
my parents don't even bother to know what I do on the computer the only thing my parents do is nag me about my mistakes and horrible failing grades, whoppie those dumbasses. I am normal! I'm tired of people making me feel worse then how I feel now...because in a few years I will hit rock bottom...if my life continues it's depressing path. Well, well, well...my dad is yelling at me right at this moment....he tells me to get off the computer because....well there really isn't a reason always. He just can't stand when people feel peace and there isn't any screaming....I guess I should do my homework....*sighs* I just...I really so stuck...for the past week it's been worse, my life isn't happy at all....at all....like 0. All I do is go to school, eat as little as I can, and go on the computer. I don't have the energy to do anything else....I just go to sleep...usually like at 8 because....whats the point of being awake? ....mmmmmm....I'm not suicidial though....I just wish I could disappear....
|
|
|
Its eerie how your schedule is a mirror image of mine. I wish there was a land where people like us could disappear to and bam! we would feel at peace for once. Being okay is something I see as unrealistic nowadays, a wet dream for the all american family if you will, being at peace with myself is the closest i think i would be able to get, if I could that is. I think my happiness level has dipped in the negative numbers. It dampens my heart to hear of your terrible woes dear. I sincerely hope things conditions could get a bit more managble for you.
|
|
|
as so do I! for right now the only place I could escape in here, no one understands...it drives me insane....my sis is getting me off....gosh....*sigh*
|
|
|
same here *sigh* life blows.amen.
|
|
|
amen
|
Add Comment
