The Original Fake Audrey.

yep I got a fuckin hair cut which sucks cuz it looks too short and my bangs are completely fucked up. Idk. I think it looks stupid, my emo bands aren't in my eyes on the bright side.(I really did need a hair cut) but wtf? I mean I say cut a little but no....of course not... freakin annoying people that never listen to me. Oh well...5 dollars tip not even deserved to her....oh top of that I'm dreading a new year which is coming in a little more than a day. So how will I spend my last 24 hours of 06....at home bored out of mind! going fuckin insane!! and Idk...I'm completely confused about possibly everything. Idk...I'm hoping new years isn't a huge drag. This isn't even like when I was 6 and I would fall asleep before, this is like 13 going on 14 (and apparently looking 15 or 16 to the girl at the saloon!sp?) but yeah...07 is when I go to high school which must be much more cruel and another hole I might fall into. Though I'm hoping to not go to such a perfect high school cuz my middle school is all "perfect" everyone is so normal and I'm the only basket case. Who can't be emo or a cutter because it's socally unaccpetable to express my pain, anger, etc... or theses "perfect" people don't have real problems and cry for stupid shit like if someone takes there seat or they fall out of there seat (this happened before the girl was crying and wouldn't talk to anyone that day) but when serious problems for me occur at home, I feel misunderstood by friends and family(mostly family again) I'm labled as so many things when people don't really care to know who I am. I'm hurt and I just wanna get out. Because I'm around either preppy or ghetto. I'm either I'm emo. People thought I was emo and they would call me emo blah blah blah just to bother me. I feel I can't even tell people without people asking me why am I depressed and being all nosey when they just have no idea. I'm tired of people and there cliques I don't wanna be a loser to some people or popular to some people I don't care anymore. I don't care if I really don't bother to listen to my dad who as been saying unacceptable things to my mom that my mom shouldn't take. I wish they would just divorce. My mom deserves better my dad deserves to same alone with his parents until they die. I know bitter me etc... I don't care I'm tired of people telling me I'm a devil child because I don't go to church. It's an environment that I can't take anymore, it's a horrible feeling it's the same people for three years. Same people 6 out of 7 days a week because my school just as to be private with freakin nuns that are strict as hell and a fuckin principal that doesn't let me wear a braclet, I also wore a belt that was "unacceptable" I'm done with my "friends". They so aren't I feel like I'm the person always willing to do anything for the people that they care about but everyone that I care about doesn't need my love or everything I could give...so they ignore me, and at times or ALL the time I feel things would be better if I wasn't here. I wouldn't be heartbroken by a guy that doesn't know how in love I am with him though when his girlfriend hugs him infront of me he backs off because he knows he doesn't want me looking at it. I'm tired of a complete broken home where we are all living together in a small house with nothing but material posessions to make us feel better (me) nothing else to entertain me, I obsess over music(I-pod) computer...etc because there's nothing else to do. I'm lonely. My whole family lives together but my sister doesn't talk to my brother or mother. My mom and I are the only ones that talk to my crazy dad. I'm the only one that talks to everyone. It's sad I always have to talk to my mom and tell her if my sister needs anything and be a little messager. Hear all the agruments. My parents keep threating to kick out my sister, and my dad threats just to leave. I have depression so I really have things on my mind. I don't think about school when I'm in class I think of the guy that I love ripping my heart opened as I watch his girlfriend sit near me, and think how lucky she is. Then there's school work which supposably (sp?) makes me a failer and horrible person cause I'm always "late" or I'm just not an hour early like my dad would want me. But I'm early but he still yells at me in the morning that I should be early... I don't understand when he blames me for stuff that clearly isn't my fault! then there's school work which is hard cause the last thing I wanna do when I'm depressed at home is study it's like give me a fuckin break! I'm tired all the time when I come back from school, I'm tired of everything. I wish I felt comfortable being myself around people but I can't because my sister's hate that stupid emo shit and they want me to be preppy in abercombie and blah blah blah. Seriously, I could careless about what I wear and I've been to that store. As soon as you walk in the music just gives me the first feeling I'm definally(sp?) not in the right place.... I mean dance and shit...so NOT me. Then you walk in and there's like models that are freakin sticks and people who look bulmic...haha it's gross. THEN, you look at the prices for this preppy not even worth it piece of junk and your like? WTF? 100 dollars for a jacket...40 dollars for a shirt?? the only thing I bought was leggings....haha which were like 20 dollars...weird shit. I'm over that stupid abercombie and fitch store. I went to hot topic with my friends a few days ago...haha not bad. Atleast it's a little more my element. Though my friends of course felt out of place completely. They went to abercombie after and drooled over the model guy with muscles on the bag *shivers* why God why? haha. I thought of emo hair on a guy soon after and I realized a guy with a cute face couldn't change my views on emo or prep. I'm more emo but it's weird cause my friend knowing my style bought me a shirt from abercombie, covered the lable but obvious couldn't. She didn't want me to strike judgement all just because of the fact of the brand...haha but I ended up liking it. It was weird and the day I wore it I had to put my black sweater on top of it...when I looked in the mirror I didn't wanna become the "perfect" people that were in my school the ones who just assumed they hated emo people because...who knows? they're preps...and bitches...but yeah...haha. No wonder emos hate preps! haha. But I never just hate people because of a sterotype or a lable, because I hate being labled myself. At this time I don't even know what the hell I am. All I know is I can't become anything like thoses bitches in my school, that they love skulls and evanscence (sp?) and won't believe it's fucking gothic! but'll bother me when I wear black. I hate them so much. Why can't people just accept me?? Why does this have to be so hard? I don't understand why I feel that people in my class can change but when it's me people just notice...like what about the other ppl!?!?!?!? like WTF!?!?! everything I do is wrong!! and they're like "I'm a bitch and I know it, I know people don't like me" but saying this smiling. When EVERYONE hates them...they have no friends, I literally said there name and I heard a group of my whole 8th grade class...or my whole 8th grade class go EWWW... and then start cracking up. I feel like crap right now cause I have cramps but more of my confused self later...gosh it's good to vent! lol