The Original Fake Audrey.

Ever gotten in a conversation about something serious and can’t say the things you feel because you’re afraid? I hate drama; sadly I’m around it ALL the time. I don’t want to cause a problem or thing to make everyone become serious with me so I’d rather be miserable and take blame for everything, be alone without saying about the way it makes me feel…I can’t express my feelings without getting myself confused and frustrated. Or feel abnormal myself… I just want to be normal like the people seem around me. I hate being stuck in a place that people find out things about you if it’s a rumor in a matter of seconds. Where people are fake but still have such great families that still obviously haven’t taught there sons and daughters what manners and respect is…I seem to have more common sense but I can’t just say “I feel I have more common sense than you” to my parents or classmates I’m around because…I would have to explain myself…and basically finally say what I’ve been feeling forever. I can’t just say things to them like

-you are all so normal and look at me the girl who can’t even do the most obvious thing by herself because she doesn’t want to screw up again and feel useless

-you have normal families who don’t happen to fight or make you cut yourself

-you don’t have to deal with being alone because you’ve got your “friends” or may I add fake to friends

-you probably haven’t woken up and felt you wanted to die and cry as you fall asleep

-you don’t live in a house of 6 depressed souls do you?

I rest my case, I hate being picked on and judged! I hate being told to do something or checked to see if I messed up once again…this is why everyone seems to bother me, because every word that comes out of there mouth is this! It’s never anything nice or even worth listening to…I hate people who are rude or maybe just envious… I’m tired of life…when am I going to be able to write about something that is not about emo nonsense…or blood or blood from cutting or being the total wreck that I am, though I will cherish all those meaningless words…I’m just so all over the place…with so much pressure on me to go to high school next year and do well and I’m just so demanded and told to do it over and over again, I don’t want other people to tell me what to do and as they continue to do so I continue to not listen and obviously become mediocre and useless and a failer in life when I haven’t even started it…I’m confused and messed up and hate explaining my feelings because I half the time don’t know myself. Everyone else is happy around me (at school) and at home it’s just so different. I’d rather spill my whole life on paper.