The Original Fake Audrey.

“Wake up” I swear I heard someone whisper to me. My vision went from distorted to perceptible. My eyes fixed on my hand out my bathroom door. I suddenly realized how bizarre all this really was. I sat up glazing at my bear legs on as I remained clueless to my surroundings. The bathroom….no, that wouldn’t comprise of what I was doing yesterday? Oh no, I thought as I rose from the carpet and stood up to see myself in the mirror. I was ill I remember….I fell asleep as I panicked that my uncontrollable vomit wouldn’t stop in time when it arrived. Then…..I memorized the exact thing I didn’t want to unleash. The reason why my location was even more bizarre was my nightmare. Leave it up to my other side to really wake me up. It was a dream like no other that interpreted my thoughts on the next level…

It was in the dead of night and there was nothing but thumping of tree branches as they always woke me. I could see the dim light shining from the slightly ajar door. My curiosities lead me to follow and I slipped out of bed in just my white tank top and bottom under garments. When I suddenly opened the door shades of red, white, and black were the only colors used in this delusion. Ahead at the end of the hallways I was a shadow walking towards my bathroom. My eyes of fire widened as my pupils dilated. My bear feet roamed my empty house as I suddenly stepped upon something…it was me dead. As the flickering light became clearer the many dead bodies of me were shown. What was going on? It wasn’t an ordinary night, even in a dream. I held on to the walls and avoided the bodies, me now looking up and walking slowly. My anticipation gave me great nervousness. My sweaty palms marking the walls as I made it to the white bright light of the bathroom. All I could hear was my own foot steps echoing in the night. I ran at the last second to pass the time faster. I couldn’t believe my eyes…my bathroom had been trashed. The words and letters drawn on the walls were unrecognizable. It looked like a different language. The lights went out as I touched the dark red words on the walls. My heart sunk as I turned around. The lights went back on and I stood in front of my mirror fearing what I knew was going to happen next. The lights flickered one last time and there she was. Me again, the evil unbearable angry me….

“Hello” I said to myself. Yes it was me but we had met before in many nightmares just like these. My angry and dark side bullied me; I was literally my own worse enemy.

“It came to disgust and pleasure that you followed, thought you’d be crying by the site of us dead in the hallways.”

“I overlook the images and continue my journey.” I said strongly.

“Oh yes of course but before you go further, this is a pit stop at your past” I stared at the walls in completely awe. She was right in many ways. There was occurrence right in this bathroom before, I trashed the bathroom months ago, when I was a different person.

“I used to be the only one who understood what I was going though. I wrote on the walls, what I knew at the time. I used to believe in the most outrageous thing could become true in a dream. That all logic and physics could be fiction and that my insanity was all a view of how normal I really was. There was no false. I understood that before, why can’t I make these phrases legible to me now?” my mind was mangled in this fiction and truth. What was I?

“Because your “well” now right?” she said laughing proving that my dark side was maybe just a bitch.

“Better is the word.”

“Scars still there” she smiled and crossed her arms.

“The one time weakness and anger worked together, but right now I’m rediscovering my other sides”

“There all dead”

“But….”

“Yeah” she laughed. “Of course they are”

“Why do I….” I was speechless to explain any feelings, I didn’t know.

“Life sucks I know, why I wanted you dead” She walked around me, rotating in circles as I glared turning at her every few seconds.

“I’m not dead yet” I said on the edge of tears.

“Of course not, it’s just us. We could work together again. Just once” she suggested.

“And go back to cutting? Not an option.” I said beginning to grin.

“You’ll give in, if not keep dreaming I’ll make sure to make a short cameo.”

The lights flickered once again. Finally over….no.

Her screams echoed and another glance in the mirror of another dead picture of me and she was gone. I wasn’t dead. I never will be….until natural dead as taken its toll.

I fell on the bathroom floor crying, doing what that side of me only knew. Let this denial and anger stop. Let me be well!

How did I not wake up in a sweat I thought? That was the worse nightmare to wake up where I did. I felt my face warm and dragged myself to sleep in my bedroom still shaken. I realized that the language was my confusion and the dead bodies were very much my inner child, my happiness, and all the things that I refused to believe within my dream. But I am very much past it, evil doesn't make me leave this much closure I guess. Though the previous day felt still and quite normal to be at a family party after indulging myself in Chinese I grabbed the traditional fortune cookie.

It read:

“The real test in life is not avoiding the rough, but getting yourself out when you’re in”

My mission was half accomplished. I still had felt like I was losing all my feelings but I didn’t let temptation conquer my actions, and when the nightmares flood of my “dark side” the weak will stand powerful because I am in fact still me, I haven’t died yet. Evil dies every time sin is turned down and it has been by the intelligent and dominant me no longer weak.